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48. Brighter colors and bigger words. Place more emphasis on your look and style, instead of letting content overshadow design, as it has in the past and continues to do now. The staid and sensible look of Wired is too forgettable, too regular, too ho-hum, and too boring. The only way to fix it is through bigger words and brighter colors. Like red. And green.

49. Instead of "Geek of the Week," have a "Hacker of the Week." To be selected, all you have to do is hack your way into the HotWired server and put your page up. Hell, if Universal Studios can get lots of free exposure for hacking themselves, so can you.

50. Sow confusion. For every successful "visionary," there's a thousand failed ones face down in the gutter: not only is it a shaky business proposition, but it isn't the source of what little rewards Wired has actually seen. So face facts, bag the future, and turn to the past. And, above all, embrace something no one understands -- French theory. Start mangling Foucault, Althusser, Bourdieu, de Certeau, Lyotard, Serres, Canguilhem, Dumezil, Ricoeur... You'll wow your critics, charm your investors, and open up a whole new demographic.

51. Gold-leaf your next issue and sell it for $49.95.

52. Scrap HardWired and start a movie company. After all, publishing books has never seen more than a 4% return -- but movies, on the other hand, are a winner. Since putting that little thingie on Mars cost about as much Batman and Robin, the obvious next step is to make the opposite of Capricorn One: a big-budget movie for which the studio actually puts some actors in space. There's no shortage of kooky investors who'd pony up for that piece of PR, and you would finally get what you want: to Make Money Fast and go down in history.

53. Have the mothers of all your employees make something special for a big Bake Sale.


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