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19. Find the next big thing. When you first came out, you were preaching a new gospel to people who hadn't heard it all before. Now, we've all heard it. A million times. Impress us again. Find something new.
20. Start a urinal ad campaign.
21. Publish Wired For the Blind, a braille version of everyone's favorite mouthpiece for the Digital Revolution. It may even become popular with those who like the articles but can't stand the design.
22. Scandals. They work for soap operas, right? Here are a few ideas: a) Get Brock Meeks arrested for hiding National Geographics from his children. If he doesn't have kids, well, there's another opportunity for a scandal. b) Unmask Negroponte as a Sony mole, who dictates his pieces to offshore Filipino typists. c) Switch to Unicode. Nobody will know what it means, but they will surely raise a fuss.
23. Rather than putting Negroponte on cover, put the first issue of Wired on the cover. Write an article about the founding of Wired. Wacky!
24. Hire Roseanne as guest editor.
25. Create a new channel on HotWired titled "Crick and Crack," which discusses the relationships between technology and experience, especially as it relates to psychopharmacology. It should be hosted by Crick of "Watson and Crick," and the entire series will be written under the influence of mindbending drugs. Irreverent commentary, with humorous, but pragmatic, monologues. A thought-provoking laugh riot.
26. Buy Apple. Redesign the boxes.
27. Play off your strongest brands and introduce a new print title: Wired Sucks. With art direction by Terry Colon and content provided free by WELL posters, it's sure to be a smash hit -- and co-opt those pesky critics, too.