suck harder.
a fish, a barrel, and a smoking rejection.
Updated WHENEVER we get a submission.




the fish
 
The Fish

"Suck Harder" isn't just another Suck parody. It's an officially licensed home for the Suck castoffs.

With only two empty slots to fill with content daily, Suck takes it all and only prints the best. Untold dozens of wannabe Sucksters dash against the cruel shores of editorial common-sense every day. "Suck Harder" knows that half the excitement in a contest -- be it a boxing match or an editorial board meeting -- is watching the defeated sulk off. With rejections kept private, Suck is ignoring a huge profit center and denying the masses their loser to laugh at. While a bad movie will almost always make to Blockbuster's shelves, rejected Sucks simply disappear. Until now.

"Suck Harder" is the Web site for every one who wishes they could suck, indiscriminately printing any article rejected by cooler heads. While the quality may not be as high as other daily sites, we're hoping the content-hungry masses will almost inevitably stop by simply to see what didn't make the grade. After all, ad hits are ad hits.

We're just a couple of guys looking for an axe to grind.

 
About Us

"Suck Harder" is put together by the Society of Castoffs:

Greg Knauss's semi-regular musings are available on An Entirely Other Site. On Suck, as An Entirely Other Greg, he's written The Rule, Persistance of... Something, Six Degrees of Recrimination, and And The Bandwidth Played On. His rejected piece, Citizen Gates, launched "Suck Harder."

Michael Sippey, contributed Find Your Own Road to Suck under the pseudonym Dr. Freeman, An Astral Theory of Rock under the pseudonym Errol O. Smith, and Genius Envy under the pseudonym Cleary S. Day. He has too much free time on his hands and tends to state the obvious.

Rogers Cadenhead, who writes under the pseudonym CGI Joe, is a newspaper journalist, Web developer, and bitter, misguided fellow (hence his Suck piece The Empower Rangers). He was one of 70 employees at Zing Systems, an interactive TV company that went bankrupt in 1995 owing $15 million to creditors. That puts his personal share of the debt at $214,285.71. He is the co-author of the upcoming Teach Yourself Java WorkShop in 21 Days from Sams.Net Publishing. It can actually be taught in 19, but you didn't hear that from him.

 
Contributors

Ponderous Goosey contributed Dining with Cannibals II. He is currently going postal at his tech support job, and has never had anything accepted by Suck. You'll often find him in public parks conversing with trees about Life, the Universe, and Everything.

Luke Seemann contributed Name Droppings. His only claim to Suck fame is The Suck Drinking Game. When the White House Web Team put out the call for summer Java help, he answered; for three months his only friend was Mr. Coffee. He writes about this misery and others at Fool ex Machina.

Rebecca Eisenberg would write under the pseudonym Gangsta Barbie, but Suck thinks she sucks. Thus, Merge Right. Determined to live the Dorothy Parker aesthetic, she complains a lot and writes primarily for web publications that do not pay her, including Addicted to Noise, Salvo, Crashsite, and The Fray. Rebecca prances delightedly when Wired Magazine decides to publish her 150 word squibs. She dreams of the day when she can have good hair, a book deal, three screenplays sold, and her own all female hip hop band. In the meanwhile, learn more about her than you would ever want to know here.

Mark Rosen, who writes under the pseudonym White Gloved Mystery Man, spent his entire childhood in a four foot steel cube, eating only the few crumbs of food his sympathetic sister could slip him. During these eight hellish years, Mark amused himself by playing with his own feces. When the authorities finally forced Mark's parents to let him out, Mark went on an eighteen state killing spree, eviscerating his victims and then eating their partially digested food. Mark has since settled down, and now regards his home page as his foremost achievement. Mark is also in the process of suing Microsoft to add an entry into Encarta about him. Mark contributed Tunnel Vision.

 
Contacting Us

General comments should be sent to the Society of Castoffs. We'll both get copies.

Suck writers' guidelines are available from Ana Marie Cox. Read 'em and weep.

Members of the press interested in writing a story about Suck Harder should write to our press contact.

Interested in becoming a Suck Harder sponsor? Contact our advertising department.

 

the barrel

the gun
harder.